The Walk

The walk was slow, the walk was hard, but never did I ever sit down

Once you stop, the momentum’s to stay, and find your place in the ground

One leg, one leg, one foot at a time, I promised I never would quit

Because in the end you can either be a man or just another young boy talking shit

So move I did, for years at a time, discovering stability and strength all around

So when the time came and my legs did not work, I was able to conquer the mounds

To the ones that walked with me I owe all my life, but to the man who carried me I owe more

For he’s the one who gave me my strength, and lite the fire that burned in my core

For the weak I offered my hand, and to the blind I offered my eyes

To the young, hope, to the old, comfort, and my ears I offered the wise

The trail was hard and not always straight, I was broken along the way

In the end was it worth it? I surely think so, looking back I value everyday

The walk was slow, the walk was hard, but never did I ever sit down

Once you stop, the momentum’s to stay, and find your place in the ground

Beginning of the Clinic

I started my clinical rotations at the start of the month and it's been quite the change. I took my boards, and then two days later I was moving from Erie to Youngstown to start rotations. I've lived in Newark (Ohio), Erie (PA), and now Youngstown. They are all blue collar towns and I've enjoyed seeing a different side of life.

The most valuable thing I've taken away from the first couple weeks is that I'm incredibly fortunate to have had a supportive family growing up. Youngstown currently has a heroin problem and it's sad to see lives that are ruined by a drug. It's a difficult thing seeing drug abusers in the hospital because once we get them stable they typically return to the same lifestyle and repeat the process. Their family's have to separate themselves from the addicts because the addicts tend to steal everything that they have and use their own families to support their habit. My attending has been practicing medicine in the area for 35 years, and he said "Drug addiction is the hardest thing to treat in medicine. I'd rather treat cancer or Alzheimer's than drug addiction."

Another experience which has been interesting is the residents we've followed around. There are only two American residents in the program. The rest are foreign medical graduates. It's been fun learning about their cultures and watching how they interact with patients. The foreign medical education places a greater emphasis on the history and physical exam than the American medical system. In the United States we rely on labs significantly more than our foreign colleagues.

I'm enjoying the town and experience so far. The town is hard, the people are friendly, and many of them have a sense of pride in being from the area. The lifters are strong. Everything I missed about the state is here and I'm hoping I can continue to learn about the city while I'm here.

The New Religion

The main premise of this article comes from Ian King's book Barbells and Bullshit.

Last night I got on Facebook saw a post that blew my mind. Ian King was offering one of his eBooks for free. I was pumped because this normally costs around 30 dollars.

I started reading this book and I was shitting my pants because the premise of his book was exactly what I've been thinking about for some time. He talks about dogma and its various forms. He states that society used to blindly follow a mind set because the "the Bible used to tell me so," and now society has a new bible, Science.

People will blindly follow any paper that comes out. They incorrectly apply science to their own point of view and think because something has statistically been shown it is fact. This simple minded state will continue to exist for some time. Because they've read one Fox News or Huffington post article they are immediately an expert on the topic. They KNOW that they are correct and will argue their "proven" perspective furiously, even if it defies common sense.

Par of this could be due to the format of the education system in the United States. We are fact learners, we are "scientifically" based, and we've killed art. We've killed intuition and we've accepted the notion that if something works for you and it's contrary to science you are wrong.

Science is a wonderful tool. Sadly, the vast majority of people in the United States have no clue how to use it. Science tells you what happened based on a set of parameters. You hope that the data is valid, and you should be more willing to accept that it's valid based on how many people are capable of reproducing the data given the parameters.

Next point. Professionals are dying. We had a professor that told us the difference between doctors and nurses. He said nurses are technicians. They follow guidelines and they are not supposed to use intuition. Doctors use intuition, experience, and knowledge and use it as an art form blending it perfectly together. They will fail, and they will be held accountable, but they will do their best. That is a high ass standard, but there is nothing else I would rather have. Teachers and doctors are in the same boat. We are over regulated and overly influenced by money. The students and patients best interest are not taken into account. The title given to this is evidence based medicine and standardized testing. Professionals need to be able to modify their practice in order to best suit their client, student or patients, needs. As soon as you start basing everything in your life off of statistics and numbers you are dead. And this is why I believe science is the new religion.

Lifting and Diet:

I've been training for a power lifting meet for about 5 weeks now. The meet is on April 6th and I've been using Paul Carter's Strong 15 program. Which is pretty much a 9 week strength peaking program. I struggled mentally because I cut down to 3 training days a week. I'm buying in and I don't want to evaluate the program until it's completed.

My weight is fine. I've cleaned up my diet especially since lent began. The one thing I will say about Islam and Christianity. Lent and Ramadan (sorry if spelled wrong) are phenomenal times of the year. They allow you to refocus. As much as I love to say we should be doing shit right all year, which we should, it's nice to have the ability to start a new habit. These seasons I think are better than New Years because they have start and end days. It gives you a goal to start a good habit or end a bad one.  Typically by the end of the period of time it has become an ingrained part of your daily life.

Quote:
Time is the profound magnifier. If you are making a mistake it will become magnified with time, and if you're doing something right it will show with time.

Weekend

Recently I've had a couple of tests and this weekend was pretty poor for that reason. I lost my focus and this is a result of not putting in the time during the week. It just shows me how important good habits are for studying. This will allow me to build up my concentration endurance for when I have to hit it hard.

I was pleased with the Buckeyes win this weekend. It's still insane how much emotion I put into a game that I have no control over.

Diet was super poor this weekend. I need to get that under control when I have tests coming up.

Start the more intense phase of Smolov this weekend so hopefully it goes well.

The thing I am thankful for is being in the position to constantly grow. Being in school has forced me to study daily and to read daily. It's easy to grow intellectually given the situation. A lot of my peers are working jobs that are repetitive and do not push them mentally. I'm fortunate to be in the position where I push myself every day. From this it's easy to plan when I'm going to train. As much as I miss weekends, watching football , and eating I have the opportunity to grow. I think I'm content with the deal I've made.

Letting Go and Never Letting Go

9.25.12

Life is all about balance. I forget this all the time. I find myself holding on to grudges, feeling guilty, having negative thoughts, and worrying about things I cannot control. Other times I realize that I'm not following the path that I believe to be correct, I become lazy, I become selfish, I feel entitled to breaks, and like I earned things that I have not. All of these things come from a loss of balance. I don't hold on to the positive, and I hold on to the negative.

Bad things happen all the time. I know I cannot stop bad things from happening, and I need to learn to adjust to them and learn from them. I need to appreciate the challenges that life presents. I need to learn to appreciate the people in my life. I need to learn to let go of my cell phone. I need to learn to stop going on the internet when I'm bored.

I look at my computer screen 80% of the day because I'm in school. I often find myself distracted by Facebook or other BS websites where I'm just wasting time. I'm not connecting to people or using the sites in a positive way. I feel as though by doing this I'm wasting potential opportunities. I'm missing out on relationships. I'm cheating myself of an education. I'm cheating others of being the best possible servant I can be.

Constructive ways to change:
1. Don't answer the phone or text when you're having an in person conversation
2. turn off the internet when you have all the documents you need in text or on the hard drive
3. when you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts consciously turn your mind to something positive
4. Hold yourself more accountable (get things done early, make good habits, eliminate poor habits)
5. Plan days of rest and time for others

Bad Days

9.19.12

Today was not a great day. Nothing terrible happened, I just feel like nothing went well. Lecture was not engaging, I couldn't focus, I either have a heat rash or MRSA on the back of my knee, at mentoring club I didn't feel engaged, and I got my ass beat at jiu jitsu. Days like today are where I need to work on myself the most. I need to do the best I can and push myself when I don't feel like I can go further.

I often find myself on days like to today being disengaged and not present. I need to work on investing and appreciating the time that I'm given. I need to look at my situations as opportunities. Living in the moment is one thing in which I fail. On days like today I'm anxious about things to come, getting studying in, and getting all my tasks down. I need to do a better job planning and going with the flow. If I'm bored I need to engage others to engage myself. I need to appreciate days that test me like this and do everything to the best of my ability.


Work out:
Bench: up to 295x8, incline bench up to 245x5, pull ups, band pull aparts, chest supported rows, push ups, TRX rows, tris, curls

Vigilance and Virtue, God bless
DF

Being Genuine

9.18.12

I was mixed on whether or not I was going to continue this. I have a training log on t-nation.com that I've
been updating for close to a year now and I still do the journal. Just for Beth, B-Foss, I'll keep this going.

Highlights from the week
- Started smolov a higher intensity and higher volume squat program, I'm pretty sore
- Went to head of state barber shop, unintentionally got a guido haircut
- Had my cardiology final and did alright, I'm glad we're changing systems
-In football news, the Buckeyes almost gave me a heart attack while studying for cardio, went 2-0 in fantasy and I still don't know what I'm doing, and my high school is 4-0
- Diet has been very poor, started cleaning it up again today
- I've been eating lots of asparagus and I like the way it makes your pee smell
- My boo is coming out to visit on Thursday

Thoughts:
Today in the news Mitt Romney was being attacked for some comments he made. I'll start by saying I'm not a Mitt fan, I currently consider myself a libertarian, but I don't see myself voting for a democrat ever because I hate big government and regulation. Anyway, the republicans in the last two elections have had two fairly liberal/moderate republicans run as their presidential candidate. John McCain and Mitt Romney. As soon as both of them decided to run for president they "modified" their views to fit the party platform. Not genuine, very annoying, and not manly. Stick to what you believe in and follow what you truly believe  is the best course for the country.

To my point, I have to say I'm impressed with Mitt for not apologizing or taking back his statements. Even though the statements were not accurate, I really do think he believed in what he was saying. He was candid to a small group of donors. I wish he and other politicians were more candid with their perceptions at all times. Be genuine. The polarization created by being a political puppet is a waste and it creates unnecessary tension between the citizens of the country.

Part of this masking of beliefs is probably a result of our society's new found infatuation with pointing the finger and criticizing other people for any and everything. I think we'd all be better off if we looked at ourselves and figured out how to make ourselves better. Do I fall into this category? Hell yeah. It's a constant battle that I try to work with every day. However, I do constantly try to honestly evaluate myself and determine ways to correct my weaknesses.

Things I know I struggle with: focus, patience, lust, humility, insecurity, comfort/complacency, unnecessary criticism of others,  being cynical, envy, lying, stealing, and probably an infinite amount more. I realize my weakness and that I believe is what allows me to constantly strive to be better. I have an accountability partner in my girlfriend who I talk with about goals and we push one another.

We all need to realize that we are entitled to our opinions, we should test them constantly, it's ok if they change, and we probably will never have all the answers. We need to remain skeptical of just about everything. Test it. Don't get caught listening to someone you respect or admire, then regurgitate everything they say. I still struggle with this. I will accept a fact from someone, whether a teacher or a mentor, without having thought about it. I need to work on developing a questioning mind.

Realize statistics are just statistics. They are not facts. As Plato said, "a good decision is based on knowledge and not on numbers."

Sorry scattered again. I'll work on consistency.